Drunken-Clam

“Hey, Todd! Over here!”

“Seth! How’ve you been, buddy?”

“Let’s just say I’m doing better than Bing Crosby during ‘Bring Your Son to Work Day’!”

“Heh. Yeah, I remember hearing that rumor. Pretty sad story―”

“Shh! Wait for it!”

“Huh?”

“And cut back to bar scene! Speaking of which, how do you like this place?”

“Pretty nice, actually. I’ve never been in here before. You come to this bar often?”

“About as often as Winona Ryder goes to Saks Fifth Avenue!”

“Umm, Seth? You feeling okay? Are… are you giggling?”

“And we’re back. That was a good one.”

“Who are you talking to?”

“Hey, Todd! How’s married life treating you?”

“Dude, you know Lisa and I just got divorced.”

“Uh oh! I wonder what Dr. Phil would say about that!”

“Look, man. I know you’ve been under a lot of pressure at work, coming up with fresh material and all. But I really just need a friend right now, okay? I’ve been going through some rough times.”

“And cut to bar. Sure thing, buddy. What do you want to do tonight?”

“I dunno. I thought we could have a few and maybe see a movie.”

“Just as long as we don’t bring Paul Reubens along again.”

“What!? I’ve never even met―”

“Shh! …And we’re back! Hmm. A swing and a miss. Maybe we could put him in a Blow parody with Jack Sparrow or something.”

“Seriously, Seth. This isn’t even funny anymore. You can’t keep using real life situations as a springboard for incoherent pop culture references. There’s just no continuity.”

“Yeah! Like when Han’s vest disappears after he’s unfrozen in Jabba’s palace!”

“It’s over, Seth. You’ve reached the bottom of the barrel. Despite numerous controversies and unbridled vulgarity, the show’s had a good run. Now it’s time to let it die.”

“Is it too soon for a Whitney Houston joke?”

“May God have mercy on your soul, Seth.”

Drunken Clam at 604Republic