What is up with people today, man? I mean, seriously. It’s like they think they know me all of a sudden. Yeah I’m a Tyrannosaurus rex, for lack of a better genus. It’s not like it’s a big deal though.

I have to fend for myself out there just like everyone else. But now people think I’m this big trouble maker— stomping through the forest, eating poor Stegosaurus and Triceratops. Dude, do you have any idea what would happen if I picked a fight with those guys? They would freaking kill me, man.

People either think I’m some kind of super badass or they laugh at my arms. There is such a thing as a middle ground, folks. I mean, look at Albertosaurus. Same size, same physiology. He even has the same stumpy little arms as I do. But that Tyrannosaur actually hunts, man. I’d actually prefer to clean up after old Alberto.

That’s right, I’m a scavenger. And yes, I am comfortable using that word. After all, what’s meat without a little seasoning? You gotta let that carcass sit out in the sun for a while, man. Trust me, it’s the bomb.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Now that old T-rex is this big self-professed gentle giant, you think my little arms are funny don’t you? Or worse, cute. Well let’s do a little math, shall we? Let’s see… over three feet long, can bench four hundred pounds each. Huh. I guess that means my little arms are three times better than yours, humans!

Still think I look silly? You ever see a Dilong? Oh, you think that name sounds funny too? Well he was the first Tyrannosaur. He was about the size of a turkey, had weird floppy arms, and was covered in feathers. Yeah, who looks stupid now? Oh, and here’s a little fun fact: the Dilong would straight up murder you, dude. Sure I’m bigger, but I’d only trample you to death and eat your rotting corpse the next day.

And don’t even get me started on Giganotosaurus. He should have been the king of the dinosaurs. At least that guy has a few spikes. It isn’t enough I have to walk around looking like this, now I have this rep to live up to.

Well, I suppose I should try going on a rampage. People will start talking if I don’t at least horribly maim something today. At least my arms will get a good workout. Don’t want them going vestigial on me.

Epic Duel at 604Republic