Lava-Burn-Ward

AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR ALL SIDESCROLLING PROTAGONISTS

“I remember the day my big brother started saving for my trade school tuition. It was my tenth birthday. He opened a savings account for ten coins. ‘Luigi’ he said, ‘You’re gonna have it better than me. You won’t have to headbutt bricks and jump over pits all day just to make a buck. You do the plumbing and I’ll do the saving.’ He had it all planned. There’s only one thing he didn’t plan. He didn’t plan on falling into that pit of hot lava.”

[heartbreaking harmonica music]

Sometimes the saddest thing about a first player’s death is watching his dreams die with him. We at Extra Life Mutual know how reluctant some people can be to discuss extra life insurance. But if you have younger brothers, anthropomorphic fungi, or platonic lady friends who are depending on you, consider speaking with a green mushroom representative about insuring their future. Because as painful as it might be for your supporting cast to go on without you, it would be even more painful for them to go on without anything.

“I really miss my big brother. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about him. When he was around, I could do anything. Now I’m picking up whatever change I can find laying around World 1-1. I’ve had to abandon my career, my dreams. Save your loved ones a Super Mario World of hurt. Call Extra Life Mutual today.”

ΒΆ Lava Burn Ward at 604Republic