Vote-Pizza-Party

“Welcome back to New York Minute. Joining me today is Massachusetts Governor and Presidential hopeful Oroku Saki. Thank you for being with us today.”

“My pleasure, April.”

“Governor Saki, the Pizza Party has accused you of knowingly violating FCC regulations, breaking the law, and lying to the American people about your career with Krang Capital. What is your response?”

“Well, I think this kind of statement from the Turtle Administration is really quite shocking. It’s ridiculous and, quite frankly, it’s beneath the dignity of anthropomorphic animal mutations. I simply think that the Pizza Party has to recognize that this should be a campaign about the direction of the country and these personal attacks have to stop.”

“But why is there this discrepancy? You say you left Krang in 1990. Yet you are listed as acting Head of Technodrome Operations and CEO until 2002—”

“I’m sorry, but the documents show that there is a difference between running the day-to-day operations of the Technodrome and being indebted to an alien overlord who actually owns said Technodrome. I did not, in fact, manage Krang Capital. As everyone knows, I left in 1990 to train for Iron Chef. I was cooking themed entrées full time at that point. I had no role whatsoever in the management of Krang.”

“But even if you weren’t making daily managerial decisions, doesn’t the buck stop with you? Weren’t you still the figurative as well as literal iron fist of Krang?”

“Well I do retain an ownership interest. But that’s completely different. You see, when you leave an enterprise, it’s the people who take care of investments, hiring and firings, and mutagen fabrication who actually run the company. They’re the managers. They manage the business.”

“So you don’t remember discussing or sitting in on a board meeting pertaining to the outsourcing of mutant militant jobs to Dimension X?”

“April, for the last time, I had no involvement with the management of Krang Capital. And furthermore, I feel the Pizza Party owes me an apology. I mean, my goodness. What kind of a superhero group goes around accusing other candidates of illegally opening portals to recruit interdimensional mercenaries and then disposing of the evidence? Do I look like someone who got where they are now by shredding documents?”

“Uhh… thank you Governor Saki. After the break: should Casey Jones be allowed to wear sporting equipment that was made in China? That’s coming up on New York Minute.”

Vote Pizza Party at 80sTees