“Dispatch, this is car 45 requesting backup. Looks like we got a 10-50, a 10-70, and a 10-54. 10-20 is 1st and Sesame. I’m gonna see if I can get to the bottom of things down here. Excuse me, ma’am? What seems to be the situation here?”

“Oh Officer, it was terrible! He said he was cute! Cute, for God’s sake! I had no idea! I can still hear the children screaming!”

“Calm down, ma’am. I need you to tell me what happened.”

“The cat got stuck in the tree that used to be right over there. The children were trying to get it down when all of a sudden, I heard it!”

“Heard what, ma’am?”


“Your children were calling for you?”

“No! It was him! That’s what he screamed when he fell from the sky! He said his name was ‘Super Loafer’ or something. He claimed to be faster than lightning, stronger than steel, and smarter than a speeding bullet!”

“He was armed?”

“I couldn’t tell! He kept whipping around that horrible cape with his ghastly little arms! And you’re not going to believe me, Officer, but he was wearing a knight’s helmet! Besides that… he was completely naked!”

“Did he have any distinctive scars or tattoos?”

“He did have a ‘G’ on his chest with a lightening bolt.”

“Hmm. Could be a new gang. What happened after the suspect arrived at the scene?”

“He tried to rescue the cat! He dusted himself off and started climbing the tree!”

“And this occurred after he demonstrated his ability to fly?”

“I swear it’s true, Officer! He was probably hopped up on something!”

“Okay, then what happened?”

“So the children are yelling at him to leave the cat alone. The cat is scared out of her mind. And when the creep reaches for her, she leaps in his face! Oh, the screaming! I’ve never heard such screaming!”

“Ma’am, how was he able to knock down a fifty-foot tree, start a car fire, and release a truckload of cattle into the street?”

“It was like a Rube Goldberg machine from the ninth circle of Hell! I can’t even begin to describe the chaos that followed! All I remember is flailing arms and the flash from the explosion.”

“Was anyone injured?”

“Thank goodness, no! But the excitement must have been too much for the crazy little fellow. After he lifted the helmet’s visor and saw what he had done, he let out a horrid shriek and fainted over by those trash cans!”

“Thank you, ma’am. I’ll go check on him. It’s best you return to your home.”

“Be careful, Officer! There’s a nasty drifter that lives over there. He’ll tell you to scram if you get too close!”

Super Grover at 80sTees