“Hello, Mr. Crook? I’m Prairie. We spoke on the phone earlier.”

“Shh! Just get inside. Were you followed?”

“I don’t think so. I appreciate you meeting with me. I need discreet help with an urgent situation.”

“Well Miss Dawn, discretion is my middle name. So what’s the problem?”

“There’s no easy way to say this, so here it goes: I’ve been infected with lycookiethropy.”

“Great semi-sweet morsels, woman! It was you! Those bakery break ins, the missing girl scouts, the Keebler elf murders… it was all you!”

“Please, I don’t know where else to go. You have to help me.”

“Why do you think I can help? I’m just a small-time cookie thief.”

“I know what happened to Chip all those years ago. I know about the coverup. I need to know everything that happened that night, Mr. Crook. I have to stop… him.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I should just turn you in.”

“Why do you think I came to you? If you expose me, you’ll blow both of our covers. Now tell me what you know or I’ll have to pay Officer Crumb a little visit.”

“Y-you wouldn’t! I can’t go back to prison! They eat guys like me for breakfast!”

“Then I hope for General Mills’ sake you know something, Crook. Now talk!”

“Okay, okay! Chip and I had just gotten a big score from a Nabisco distributor. When we got back to the hideout, that blue bastard was waiting for us. I unloaded six rounds in him but he kept coming. Chip sacrificed himself so I could get away. But at least I made sure made my best friend would never come back as… as that thing.”

“How? Tell me, damn you!”

“I… I drove a celery stalk into his heart.”

“What kind of idiot do you take me for?”

“It’s true, I swear! Why do you think the CTW has been force feeding that googly-eyed freak vegetables for the last decade?”

“I thought that was to combat childhood obesity in America.”

“That’s what the government wanted you to believe. It was the only way to control him. Only I knew the truth. The FDA has been after me ever since.”

“Interesting. Thank you for your cooperation. You’ve been most helpful.”

“So we’re done here? You’ll let me go?”

“And risk you cutting a deal with the feds? I don’t think so, Cookie Crook.”

“Curse your black heart, Prairie Dawn! You’ll never take me down without a fight!”

“Then I suppose that’s the way the cookie crumbles. It’s been days since my last midnight snack. And I’ve developed quite the sweet tooth.”

“No! No! NOOOOO!”

ΒΆ Cravings Cookie Monster at 80sTees