Good morning, students. This is Principal Snyder and these are the morning announcements for Tuesday, March tenth.

The Sunnydale High Swim Team is currently recruiting last-minute replacements for the varsity meet next week. Starry-eyed hopefuls must submit an essay of no less than one thousand words detailing their commitment to achieving excellence before Friday to team captain Alexander Harris. The lucky few who are chosen will be exempt from graded work for the remainder of the school year.

Speaking of grades, I am sure all students are aware of approaching semester finals. And as I am also sure you are all arduously studying already, I am hesitant to mention that Willow Rosenberg is once again offering her services as a mentor… in every subject. Those few who find themselves ill-prepared in their studies may employ Miss Rosenberg’s assistance in the Jennifer Calendar Memorial Computer Lab every Tuesday and Thursday after school.

I should also mention that Mr. Giles has once again closed the library for “renovations” until “further notice” and that any suspicious sounds heard in recent past was made by “construction equipment”. I’ve been asked to add that any student wishing to actually open a book this year may reserve one through the Sunnydale Public Library’s interlibrary loan system. Mr. Giles apologizes for this grossly understated inconvenience and is happy to refer any complaints to his “temporary assistant”, Mr. Wyndam-Pryce.

Let’s see here… it appears there is another public warning issued by the neighborhood watch. Apparently more wild dogs have been observed in the area. Students are advised to avoid traveling alone at night, report immediately to Sunnydale Police, yadda yadda yadda… the usual hogwash. Any sightings are to be reported to Daniel Osbourne, who has volunteered to head up a student safety council. On a side note, teachers whose assignments have been mysteriously eaten by wild dogs are advised to direct all afflicted students to detention.

And finally, I am pleased to announce that Mayor Richard Wilkins the third has graciously offered to act as keynote speaker for the 1999 graduation ceremony. That being the case, any graduating senior who feels attention must be diverted during the ceremony to any type of shenanigan or skylarking— regardless of their academic record— will have their diploma revoked… permanently. I understand Principal Flutie was more lenient regarding immature behavior during celebratory functions. I will kindly remind seniors that those days, much like the remaining band candy, are long gone.

And those are the morning announcements. As always, students, have a fun and fruitful day. Oh, and Buffy Summers— please report to my office immediately. That is all.

Sunnydale Razorbacks at 80sTees