Going once… Going twice… Sold! A beautiful antique compact disc player to the man in the blue unitard. A fine purchase, sir; the front desk will take your payment via frontal lobe scan at your convenience.

And now, Bonham and Butterfield’s Telekinetic Auctions would like to present this evening’s final item. It’s… something of a mystery, actually. Keeping with tonight’s theme, it has been molecularly confirmed as a genuine twentieth century artifact, circa 1990.

As you can see, it has been fashioned in the likeness of a standard five-fingered glove, similar to a convectional prism-mounted laser gauntlet. Though it’s uncertain if this particular piece has a counterpart, it was found connected to this triangular frame by the standard “black vine” commonly associated with primitive electronics of this era. Our engineers speculate that this triangle accessory could have served as a farming implement, or perhaps even some type of plasma shield.

Whether this relic was used for ceremonial or more practical purposes has been lost to time. Yet I would go so far as to venture its application being primarily military in nature. On first glance, the glove appears to have a multitude of firing mechanisms and targeting apparati. Sadly, it has no confirmed functioning hardware. It also has no apparent source of energy, such as a hidden battery chamber or uranium cell. However, that is not to say it has no inherent power.

Roll your eyes all you’d like, madam! But archaeologists have hypothesized that it was built by shamans who infused these buttons with spells to ward off evil spirits. Just this morning, one of the appraisers suggested the theory that the glove might feed off its wielder’s life force! A chilling thought, to be sure. As stunning as this object is, I should establish that this is definitely a “bidder beware” scenario.

That being said, we shall now begin telekinetic bidding at one thousand credits! Do I hear one thousand? A thousand credits for this ancient glove of untold power. Anyone at all?

Do I hear five hundred? At five hundred credits, this relic is a bargain. No one?

Do I hear two fifty?

…One hundred?

Seriously? This is a telekinetic auction, you know! No one is even thinking about bidding?

All right, one hundred credits for the glove of power, and I’ll throw in these red goggles on a tripod from last week.

ΒΆ Power Glove at 80sTees