Wookie-Cookies

Obi-Wan Kenobi sits at the holo-board in the Millennium Falcon’s lounge with R2-D2 and C-3PO. A sliding door opens and Luke Skywalker emerges looking bored.

LUKE: Gee whiz! After making that dramatic escape from Tatooine, sitting around a spaceship all day gets old fast.

THREEPIO: Cheer up, Master Luke! At our current trajectory, we’ll be in the Alderaanian system within the fortnight!

LUKE: Ugh. To polish off an old nutshell: it looks like I’m going nowhere.

OBI-WAN: Patience, my young friend. Use this time to strengthen your connection to the Force.

LUKE: Aw come on, Ben. I’ve broken every remote droid on the ship, gone through twelve blast shield helmets, and I’ve even beaten that Bop It! game you brought along. I sure could use a snack.

Suddenly, Chewbacca pokes his head around the corner and whuffles cheerfully. From behind his massive hairy back, he produces a brightly-colored box of Wookiee Cookies™.

THREEPIO: My word! It’s Kashyyyk’s only non-lethal export— Wookiee Cookies™!

OBI-WAN: Even the sternest sages cannot pass up confections of this magnitude.

LUKE: Alright, Chewie! Snack time!

Chewbacca chuckles and proceeds to pour the Wookiee-shaped cookies into a bowl. Han Solo saunters into the room.

HAN: Well, I finally patched up the damage from our little escapade last week. We should be at Alderaan sometime next month.

The others are too busy eating to respond.

HAN: Don’t everyone thank me at once. What the…? You’re eating Wookiee Cookies™? For breakfast? Time out!

LUKE: What’s the problem, Han?

HAN: Look, kid, I’m the captain of this freighter. I make the calls and I say cookies aren’t for breakfast!

THREEPIO: Sir— breakfast is a relative term when dealing with interplanetary travel. Time in general differs from planet to planet based on the number and locations of nearby suns.

HAN: Keep it up, Goldenrod, and I’ll stick you back in the cereal box you came from.

LUKE: Cripes, Han! Whoever says cookies aren’t for breakfast hasn’t tried Wookiee Cookies™!

OBI-WAN: He’s right. Besides, hunger leads to anger. Anger leads to…

HAN: Okay, everybody shut up! You nerf herders can stay in here and eat your dumb cookies like a bunch of babies. I’ll be in my cabin having a real breakfast— a nice tall Corellian ale…

While Han rants, R2-D2 sneaks behind and shocks him with his extender arm. While Han yelps in surprise, Chewbacca rams a fistful of Wookiee Cookies™ into his mouth. Han struggles, then begins chewing thoughtfully.

HAN: Wrw! Thrs uhrr grrd!

LUKE: That’s Wookiee Cookies™— one mouthful, and you’ll need subtitles!

Chewbacca roars in approval. Everyone laughs raucously, spewing crumbs. The camera pans to Chewbacca, sitting with arms behind his head. He throws the camera a big wink.

ANNOUNCER: The one and only Wookiee Cookie™. It’s better than having your arm torn from its socket!

♫ Snap, crackle, plop— Wookiee Cookies™! ♫

Wookie Cookies at 80sTees