Gather ’round, children. It is now time to discover and learn together.

Don’t be shy, Anna. Come sit next to Bobby on the big circle. Piotr, we do not hit. Kindly keep your hands to yourself, young man. All right, is everyone accounted for? Wonderful. Let us begin.

First of all, what is the name of the book we’ve been reading during story time? That’s right, Hank. We have been enjoying T.H. White’s Big Big Book of Arthurian Fantasy. Yes, Remy, we’ll see the pictures in a moment. Now, who can remember which varieties of animals the wizard Merlin changed young King Arthur into? Very good, Ororo. He was a fish. What else? A hawk. Excellent, Warren.

And do we remember discussing the sounds that these animals make? Which two were the “hard” ones, hmm? That’s right, Sean. The ant and the badger. They don’t really make sounds do they?

Well, children, we’re going to talk about the sounds that we make—you and I. And what’s that word again? Who can remember that big word we learned?

Very close, Jubilee. We are classified as Homo Sapiens Superior—colloquially known as mutants. And that means each and every one of you is very, very special. Who can share some of the special sounds our friends make? Ah, yes. The sound PEW! PEW! would refer to those gifted with abilities such as ranged power beams and optic blasts. Very good, Scotty.

What’s that? Speak up, please. Ah, another excellent sound! BAMF! is the universal onomatopoeia for teleporters. It’s the sound of air and matter rushing into a previously unoccupied space. Thank you, Kurt. What else, children?

Logan, you haven’t said much today. I sense you have something to share. SNIKT? That is an interesting sound, indeed. Would that refer to the unsheathing of a blade or claw? I see you’ve been talking with Mr. Striker during recess. Or have you been sneaking out with Wade again? I’ll have to have a word with you after class, young man. You as well, Jean. I will not tolerate telepathic note passing during class.

Now if we’re all quite done giggling, I’ll turn our attention back to today’s reading. When we last left King Arthur, Merlin was explaining the justification for something known as a preemptive strike. Can anyone tell me what that is?

Pew Pew Pew at 80sTees