Most people would classify me as a folivore. You know, a leaf eater. Well that’s just fine with me. Just as long as all my leaves are packed into full-flavored Lucky Sloth brand cigarettes. Heh. Guess that makes me more of a flavorvore.

Yessir. Lucky Sloths are still eighty five filterless millimeters of heaven with their signature slow drag. Great for those who like to take the time to enjoy life’s little pleasures. Heck, that’s just perfect for me. And the aftertaste? What aftertaste? Quality vintage tobacco that’s toasted, not sun-dried, makes for a smooth draw and an even smoother finish. Just the ticket for the end a hard day.

I know what you’re thinking — smoking’s bad for your health, right? Well let me ask you something. What does the surgeon general know, huh? He sits up there all day on his fancy branch blinking and looking around while the rest of us working stiffs have to digest for a living. So excuse me for not hitting the links every day, Mr. Surgeon General. But at least I can unwind like a real arboreal mammal.

Besides, nothing says cool and collected like a smoldering Lucky Sloth brand cigarette between your toes. And take it from me, women love that bold Lucky Sloth musk emanating from your every matted hair. It’s a scent that says, “I know what I want out of life”.

Sure, smoking is banned from trees so you’ll have to enjoy your Lucky Sloth brand cigarettes on the unprotected and predator-inhabited ground. But, being the ruggedly adventurous type, the Lucky Sloth smoker has never been confined to the safety of the jungle canopy. It’s never stopped me from lighting up. And with my shortness of breath, I have plenty of opportunities to enjoy another Lucky Sloth or two on the way back up.

So get out of the slow lane and into the slightly less slower lane with regular, menthol, and new Slammin’ Island Eucalyptus varieties. Gradually make your way to wherever fine smokables are sold and start enjoying the good life. Lucky Sloth brand cigarettes: You’ve Climbed a Long Way, Baby!

Ciggy Sloth at BustedTees