“Hell of a way to go, huh Chief?”

“You said it, Lieutenant… Looks like the homicide squad is finally here. Evenin’, detectives.”

“What’s happening?”

“Good question, Inspector Twitter. Our victim is a white male, mid thirties. At approximately 7:10 PM, he was attacked with this large, red pointer. There was no sign of a strug—”

“Warning! Character limit exceeded!”

“Oh, right. Sorry Inspector. Um… Man dead. Killed by a red pin. No witnesses, no suspects. #pleaseRT

“What are you looking for?”

“Well, Captain Google, right now we’re—”

“What are you looking for?”

“Uh… Thanks, Detective Bing. As I was saying, right now we’re scouring the area for any clues. Deputy Flickr, can you start documenting the crime scene?”

“I’m on it, Chief.”

Sergeant Facebook, what do you know about our victim?”


“Any info that might establish a motive? This was no random street killing; somebody wanted this guy dead. What can you tell us about him?”

“Richard Donnelley. Born August 21, 1973. Liked racquetball and The Stones. In a relationship and it’s complicated.”

“Hmm… A jilted lover, maybe? Inspector eHarmony, can you locate this guy’s match? If we find her, we might just—”

“Chief, Chief! Sorry to interrupt, but this is important! Can I talk to you privately?”

“*sigh*… Yeah, sure kid. Gentlemen, will you excuse us for a moment?”

“Of course, Chief.”

“Alright, Officer Foursquare, this better be good.”

“Chief, how much do you know about Captain Google?”

“Been on the force for years. Smartest guy I ever met. Why do you ask?”

“Chief, I’ve been looking into the Captain. He’s made some pretty big acquisitions over the last few years. Images, Videos, Docs… You name it, this guy’s got it.”

“What’re you getting at, rookie?”

“Don’t you see, Chief? There’s no way he could afford all that, even on a police captain’s salary! Chief, I think he’s making money dealing in data. This guy’s been selling our private information to the highest bidder, and using it to fund his own private empire!”

“Slow down there, Officer. Even if all this is true, what’s the urgency? We’ve got a case to solve here, you know.”

“But Chief, this is the case! Google’s latest off-the-record purchase was Keyhole, Inc—a mapping company.”

“Foursquare, I’m getting pretty damn tired of your conspiracy theories against the Captain! I don’t know why you’ve got this sudden personal vendetta against him, but this is not the time to—”

“Chief, it’s MapQuest! Donnelley is MapQuest! His last check-in was two hours ago at MQ Headquarters. MapQuest is Keyhole’s biggest rival in the mapping business! Captain Google is buying companies and killing off his competitors! We need to stop him before—”

“Did somebody say my name?”

“Oh, uh, hi Captain… So has your team found anything yet?”

“Looks like you were right, Chief. Donnelley was killed by his girlfriend after an apparent domestic dispute. A street-view patrol car has already tracked her down and taken her into custody. It appears that this case is closed, gentlemen.”

“But Captain, isn’t it a little quick to call the homicide solved? How can you be so sure that Donnelley’s girlfriend was the murderer?”

“Well, rookie, let’s just say I’m Feeling Lucky.”

Map Marker Death at BustedTees