Howdy, friends! Jeb Samsonite here from Samsonite Auto Transformations. Is your car or truck significantly lowering the real estate value of your neighborhood? Do people avoid writing “Wash Me” in the crud on your windshield for fear of extracting tetanus? Do you sometimes wish your vehicle better reflected your menial, dead-end career?

If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, you’re probably in the market for a used or police-auctioned car. But you know better than most people that money doesn’t grow on trees. So before you deal… conceal!

Why spend dozens, even hundreds of dollars on that “gently used” rust bucket your buddy claims has a new transmission? You could drive home a German shepherd tonight! Don’t like dogs? How about a tiger? Or an elephant? You heard right, folks! At Samsonite Auto Transformations, we can give your auto some vibrato! We turns piles into smiles!

Just imagine the joy on your family’s faces when you roll up the driveway in your new hamster-mobile! Or enjoy a little attention from the ladies as you cruise by in your jaguar! And by jaguar, of course, I mean a conversion van shaped like a jaguar. We’ll bet she can’t tell the difference!

So how do we do it? Our Auto Transformation engineers use the finest unclaimed freight area rugs and found materials to convert even the most shamelessly haggard cars into innovative and furry mobile artwork. With a little shag carpet and a lot of glue and roofing nails, you too can drive a real shaggin’ wagon!

At Samsonite Auto Transformations, your options are restricted only by your rudimentary imagination! Why, just the other week we turned a beat up old Windstar into a sleek and awe-inspiring Gal√°pagos tortoise. We’ve even outfitted a school bus to look like a three-toed sloth! The sky, (along with local warehouse security and cover of night), is the limit!

So drive your bomb on wheels down to Samsonite Auto Transformations, just three miles west of Road Island Penn on Highway 51, and give that piece a fleece!

¶ Mutt Cutts at BustedTees