Are you living in the 2020s? Still riding that lame pink hoverboard your grandma bought you? Hello! Anybody in there? Ditch that heap and head to where hoverboarding is always a crime: the Hill Valley Hover Emporium! Located at the Lone Pine Mall just south of Clocktower Plaza on Skyway 48.

We’ve got a full selection of Nexus Brand hoverboards and accessories, including the hottest item to hit the market, the Pit Bull! This weekend at Hover Emporium, all Pit Bull hoverboard packages are on sale, including the ever-popular Misanthrope Edition.

This beautiful beast comes with it all! Lightweight cobalt alloy body with your choice of gripping textured finishes, dual SustainFlight™ thrusters with Pivot Adjust technology for extended water hovering, a tri-weave cable attachment for hitching friends or dragging dork-wads, and the self-launching Pit Bull carrying case. All for the ridiculously low price of seventy-nine ninety-nine ninety-five!

But that’s not all! Hover Emporium is liquidating its entire stock of secondhand adrenaline implants, enormous metal boots, and spiky helmets. And the first one hundred customers in the door Saturday will receive a complimentary Extend-A-Club Brand baseball bat. It’s perfect for taking out pesky mailboxes and pathetic underlings. Batter up!

And don’t forget to check out our parking lot bargain tent! Bring your own hoverboard and attempt the Hover Emporium Super Jump Challenge. If you can clear twenty D. Jones manure compactors, you could win a year’s supply of wax from our friends at Biff’s Auto and Hovermobile Detailing. Biff himself will be there, giving away a free board waxing every hour!

So what are you waiting for, butthead? This weekend, make like a tree and get yourself over to Hill Valley Hover Emporium: Where the Pit Bull Lives!

(Hill Valley Hover Emporium is not responsible for any injury or loss associated with hoverboarding. Pit Bull, SustainFlight and butthead are registered trademarks of Nexus Incorporated.)

ΒΆ Hoverboarding is Not A Crime at BustedTees