Science

“Halt! Identify yourself!”

“Are these mounted gatling guns really necessary?”

“You have five seconds. Five… four… three—”

“Lisa Henderson. I’m with Scientific American. We have an interview today, Mr. Terry, remember?”

“Ah yes. Do come in, Miss Henderson. You’ll have to excuse the heightened security. And it’s Terror, actually. Hopefully Doctor Terror soon.”

“That’s quite alright, Mr. Terror. So what’s this amazing breakthrough you’ve been hinting at?”

“Brace yourself, Miss Henderson. For I, Doctoral Candidate Terror, have perfected the technology for the world’s first… shrinking ray!”

“I see. And what are the practical applications for this… riveting new discovery?”

“Well isn’t it obvious? The man who controls this awesome power will have nations bowing at his feet! His enemies will be crushed like the insects that they are!”

“Uh huh. Could it have any medicinal relevance? Tumor reduction comes to mind.”

“An interesting thought, Miss Henderson. If I could somehow reverse the shrinking process, I may be able to speed tumor growth within the very anatomy of my foes. How deliciously insidious.”

“How does it work?”

“The secret lies in these rare crystals housed within the stock. Combined with gamma radiation, the resulting beam alters the very fabric of science!”

“Oh, kind of like the freeze ray.”

“Beg your pardon?”

“Three years ago, Scientific American did a short piece on a grad student named Constance Terry. Apparently this crackpot tried to build a freeze ray by forcing freon through (and I quote) ‘rare crystals harvested from meteorites’.”

“I believe the man’s name was Constantine Terry. And yes, I remember reading about it.”

“The year after, he applied for a government grant to build a weather controlling device using large electromagnets and crystals.”

“What are you getting at?”

“Last year, Constance Terry registered to legally change his name to ‘Terror’ in an attempt to elude authorities investigating the robbery of a geode exhibit at the Museum of Natural Science.”

“Do you enjoy Legos, Miss Henderson?”

“You can’t hide forev— wait, what?”

“I simply adore Legos. I’ve built a tiny functional prison out of them, in fact. I think you’ll find it quite… cozy.”

Science at BustedTees