“The fourth assembly of the Reunite Pangea Movement is now called to order. Sound off: Africa!”

“Present and conjoined!”

“Check. Asia!”

“Present and conjoined!”

“Check. And, of course, I make a check for Europe. I apologize for Iceland’s absence—big New Age festival tonight. She sends her best. Alright! Let’s start out tonight’s meeting with a bit of good news. I don’t want to jinx it, but, Asia, you have something to share?”

“I do—I spoke with Australia last week and he told me he’d think about sitting in on a meeting sometime in the near future. That is, if he doesn’t have a party to go to that night.”

“That’s great, Asia! Way to use French Polynesia to your advantage. We’re getting really close to breaking down that barrier between you two.”

“More like Barrier Reef!”

“Ha, good one, Madagascar! That reminds me, Africa, how are talks coming along with South America?”

“Frustrating as always, Europe. He’s still jealous that I’m considered the cradle of civilization. I keep telling him it’s not my fault that my indigenous people came up with written records first. But he never listens. It’s sad, you know? We used to be so close. But it feels like he just keeps drifting away.”

“Maybe next time you could try complimenting his basin.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. We never did agree on how the tropics were divided after we broke up. To this day, he still insists the gorillas were his.”

“What about Antarctica? Heard back from her yet?”

“I’m not speaking with that skank! She stole my penguins!”

“You see? This is what I was talking about last week, guys. There are all these little rifts between us. Are we really going to abandon the past so easily? Are we really going to let a little super-heated rock come between us? Together, we were greater than the sum of our parts!”

“That’s easy for you to say. Back then you were the center of attention. You had the Great Lakes and the Mediterranean!”

“Come on, Asia. That’s not fair. You’ve stayed relatively the same all these years; you wouldn’t understand what the rest of us have gone through.”

“Oh please, Europe! We all know you started this little sewing circle to get back at North America for getting Greenland.”

“He didn’t get Greenland, he stole her from me! She left me for his big fancy gulf and those bulging mountain ranges! She broke my heart, okay? What would you two know about real pain?”

“Umm, between me and Africa, we have more starving people and fewer natural resources than anyone. So don’t come crying to me with your abandonment issues.”

“Guys, guys! This is exactly what separated us in the first place! We’re never going to make any progress if the three of us can’t stick together!”

“Africa’s right, Asia. In fact, I’m going to invite the Americas to our next meeting! Where is it being held again?”

“Looks like we’re booked at the airport Hilton next Tuesday morning.”

“I hope there’s free continental breakfast!”

“Seriously, Madagascar, how long were you sitting on that one?”

Reunite Pangea at BustedTees