You-Shall-Not-Pass-Go

IstariCorp Holdings, Inc.
Q1 Earnings Report
January 1 – March 31

Submitted April 12, 3019 of the Third Age

A Word from our CFO

As we prepare for the dawn of the Fourth Age, IstariCorp is demonstrating more than ever its ability to prosper under adverse conditions. Some say a Golden Age brings with it golden opportunities, and that is true to an extent. But a conservative investor looks forward to both favorable and unfavorable circumstances.

The liquidation of our Morian competitors has been and will always be one of this firm’s greatest achievements. The celebratory trends following the inauguration of the King have given a lucrative boost to our ceremony service providers, and investments in Grey Pilgrim Pyrotechnics (GPP) are seeing their greatest return since the acquisition of the Baggins account eighteen years ago.

But the decline of the Gondorian Stewards has had an adverse effect on certain endowments, particularly in the Political Advising sector. The stock value of both Dramatic Foreshadowing, Inc. (DFS) and Eyebrow Raising, LLC (EBR) has decreased, leading to their removal from our portfolio. The cash-on-hand obtained from this sale will be used in our planned acquisition of Old Toby Brand Pipe Weed (OTW).

As times have changed, (and indeed they have), IstariCorp has responded to market slumps and obstacles. Umbar and Harad indices have indeed lost value. However, we are excited to begin working with Valar investors overseas, providing an opportunity to reconnect with some of our former partners. We are also anticipating substantial cost savings in the upcoming merger of the Mirkwood (MWG) and Erebor (EBG) groups.

Lastly, I am pleased to officially recognize IstariCorp’s new President and Chief Executive Officer, Gandalf the White. Back from a brief hiatus at Moria Lake, Gandalf will assume the mantle of CEO next month after closing out his contract with Fellowship Accounting. This promises to play a pivotal role in IstariCorp’s transition into more short-term investments.

In the midst of recent changes and challenges, this year’s opening quarter has shown significant growth. Shareholder value is increasing, and market conditions are favorable for a continued upward trend. On behalf of the Board of Four Directors (formerly the White Council), I would like to extend my congratulations and sincerest thanks to our investors, old and new, and our dedicated brokers for your continued loyalty now and in the coming years. We could not have started the year so strongly without your support.

At IstariCorp, our road truly does go ever on and on. Thank you and as always, may thy paths be green and golden.

Saul Radagast (CPA, ACCA, the Brown)
Executive Vice President and Chief Financial Officer

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