“Hello, is this Mr. Warren?”

“Uhh… yeah, that’s me.”

“Hello, Mr. Warren, my name is Trent and I’m raising money for NTW International. I’m just calling today to—”

“Sorry, kid, I’m not interested. Good luck with—”

“Mr. Warren, do you feel it’s important to control our ecology?”

“I… I think so?”

“And do you understand the significance of fostering human ingenuity?”

“Well, yeah, of course, but what does this—”

“That’s great to hear! NTW International is dedicated to maintaining human dominance in a complicated world, and you sound like just the man who can help us. How much of a donation can I put you down for? One hundred dollars? Two hundred?”

“Slow down, Trent, just what is this? What does NTW International do?”

“NTW International maintains the balance of technology and ecology in a twenty-first century environment.”

“But what does that mean, exactly?”

“NTW ensures the synergy of the natural network of biological—”

“Trent! Stop it with the buzz words, I want to know exactly what your organization actually does. Let’s start with the name. What does ‘NTW’ stand for?”

“NTW stands for progress, and values, and—”

“Trent, the initials! What do the initials stand for?”

“…Nuke The Whales…”

“‘Nuke The Whales’? As in, atomic bombs in the ocean?”


“So… how do you do it?”

“We plant charges along the known migration paths of seven species of whale. The detonators are tied to sonar scanners that trigger when hit by the sound frequencies that whales use to communicate. It’s actually quite a humane process when you think ab—”

“Stop right there, Trent. I’d like to make a substantial donation to your group.”

“Then I’m sorry to have bothered you during—wait, a donation? Really?”

“Yes, really. Nuking the whales is a cause that I can definitely get behind. How’s five thousand dollars sound?”

“Mr. Warren! That’s… that’s so generous of you! I don’t know what to say. Thank you, thank you so much Mr. Warren!”

“Please, Trent, ‘Mr. Warren’ is so formal. Call me Ishmael.”

Nuke The Whales at BustedTees