“And here representing Death Star is Wilhuff Tarkin. Mr. Tarkin, please make your opening statement to the committee.”

“Thank you, Dr. Ordo. To the esteemed panel: I would like to present to you Death Star, the ideal host planet for the 2024 Olympic Games. We’ve spared no expense in building the galaxy’s newest, most intimidating sports facility. Death Star has everything a host planet would need: a mobile, easy-to-reach location; plenty of housing for both athletes and spectators; and pre-constructed stadia for track, tennis, and soccer, or as the Wookies call it, ‘football’.”

“That is quite impressive, Mr. Tarkin. I would now ask for any questions from the panel. Yes, Baron Lobot, representing the Infrastructure Committee.”

“Mr. Tarkin, it appears that Death Star is a closed, man-made ecosystem. What happens to all the waste generated from such a massive facility?”

“Our trash compactors are the most efficient in the galaxy, I assure you.”

“And how about travel needs? Will traffic to your venue be a problem?”

“Death Star is equipped with an intelligent tractor beam designed to grab and park every space ship nearing its orbit.”

“Thank you, Mr. Tarkin.”

“Very good, thank you, Lobot. Kai the Bothan, what are the concerns from the Safety Committee?”

“Mr. Tarkin, I’ve heard about numerous construction delays in your project, particularly involving Death Star’s deflector shields. I’ve sent my own team to investigate these allegations. What do you have to say about that?”

“Oh, I’m afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive.”

“The safety of athletes and fans must be your top priority. Don’t you feel the recent terrorism threats against the Empire would put Olympic visitors in jeopardy?”

“Our staff is trained to seek out and eliminate any rebellion in and around the facility. In fact, Death Star is built with an extensive prison block to handle any dissenters. For fan safety, of course.”

“Why would I trust—”

“Kai, that’s enough. I think I’ve heard what I need to hear. Mr. Tarkin, you’ve given a strong argument for hosting the Olympic games. I motion that Death Star move on to the next round of host-planet qualifiers. You’ll be presenting your case against the other leading host-planet, Alderaan.”

“Alderaan? I have a feeling that you’ll find our next presentation very convincing.”

“I look forward to it. Any final words for this committee?”

“Only our slogan: Death Star 2024: That’s no moon— It’s a sports station!

Schematics of the Death Star at BustedTees