“Neptune, God of the Sea, what’s your entry into the Mythological Science Fair?”

“Well, Headmaster Virgil, it’s called ‘Mediterranean Wind: Friend or Foe?'”

“So you’ve been studying the Sirocco wind currents blowing in from northern Sahara?”

“You got it! I diverted a fleet of Byzantine galleys toward a huge 130 kilometer-per-hour windstorm off the coast of Calabria. Their sails were torn by the harsh weather, and the ships soon crashed on coastal rocks.”

“A victory the Empire can be proud of, I’m sure. What did you learn from your project?”

“That Mediterranean Wind is definitely Foe.”

“That’s it?”

“And that the Byzantines can’t swim?”

“Fair enough. You’ve earned a B. Our next project is… Ceres? Tell me, Goddess of Agriculture, what are you presenting for the Science Fair?”

“Thank you, Headmaster. My project is called ‘The Seasonality of Roman Harvest’. This year, I ended the growing season six weeks early. Sicilian families watched their vineyards whither while they hungered at the gates. Italian families thrived, as their wheats and grains withstood the cold and drought.”

“And what did you learn from this endeavor?”

“I learned that cereal crops are much less sensitive to seasonal variation than grapes. A hearty Italian grain can survive adversity, whereas a thin-skinned Sicilian grape cannot.”

“Very good, Ceres, a wonderful example of what this fair is all about. I give it an A minus.”

“Minus, sir?”

“Your poster was a bit lackluster, don’t you think? Moving on… Vulcan, God of Fire, what have you prepared for me?”

“Uh… Some baking soda?”

“And what does your project have to do with baking soda?”

“Check it… Oh man, this is gonna be huge!”

“Vesuvius? An interesting choice. What are you proving with this action? What can we learn from this catastrophe?”

“I dunno. It looks cool? Those people down there sure are gonna get it!”

“You sentenced thousands of Roman citizens to a fiery, molten death, just because it ‘looks cool’?”

“…Yeah, I guess.”

sigh… D plus. Who’s next—Jupiter?”

“Yes, Headmaster. My project is called ‘Lightning: The Silent Killer’.”

¶ God’s Volcano Project at BustedTees