Lemme ask you somethin’. You ever get it in yer head that Mom’s apple pie would taste any better if she put sprinkles on top? No? Well you think the American flag would look purdier with a couple more stripes and a few more stars? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Seven shapes, seven colors, twenty levels. And that’s all you needed. Yessir, I can remember when a man was measured by his reaction speed alone. I mean, where would this country be today without Tetris? It was the one thing them damn commies were good for.

What’s that? Communism? Hell no, I’m talkin’ about the Commodore 64. Damn thing loaded slower than a bread wagon on biscuit wheels. But that just made it all the more rewarding. And it gave you time to drink some Hi-C and record a few songs off the radio on yer cassette player between levels. Now that’s a Friday night.

But these days it’s all “graphics this” and “party mode that”. And none of this chain reaction algorithm hoo-ha. Back in my day, the pieces stayed where you put them after a row cleared out. The original Tetris wasn’t so easy, no sir.

You casual gamers, with yer “Bejewels” and yer “Army Birds” and yer “Doctor Martens”. Where’s the challenge? Where’s the commitment? I see you playin’ all them retro games and downloadin’ all them emulators. Well let me tell you somethin’. Them leisure games ya’ll are killin’ time with were made for me, not you. You hear me?

So get back to yer Pogs and yer Polly Pockets and leave the grown up games to the men. Now if ya’ll will excuse me, my Dinty Moore is ready and my Harry and the Hendersons rerun is on. Good day, sir.

ΒΆ Don’t Mess With Tetris at BustedTees