Subject: Craig Morgan
Wednesday, March 24th 1:06 pm
Transcript of Tape 29B

DOCTOR PHELPS: Good morning, Mr. Morgan. And how are we feeling today?

CRAIG MORGAN: How am I feeling? $135 an hour and that’s the best you can do?

DP: Is there something you’d like to discuss, Mr. Morgan?

CM: Let me ask you something, Doc. Have these last five sessions enlightened you about anything at all? Perhaps something to do with my general state of mind?

DP: Well, Mr. Morgan, I was going to wait until next week to share this with you but I believe you are suffering from an acute form of schizophrenia brought on by the—

CM: Oh come on, man! Just say it!

DP: Please, Mr. Morgan. There’s no reason to get upset. I was just explaining how you’re—

CM:Crazy! Admit it!

DP: Now, now. We don’t use that word in this room.

CM: Oh stop it, Doc. This new age therapy hasn’t helped at all!

DP: What about the breathing exercises you were assigned to do in your spare time?

CM: Useless! Every time I start the visions come back! I had another one last night!

DP: Hmm. What were you doing at the time?

CM: Just watching some TV.

DP: That’s all you were doing?

CM: Well, that and listening to the radio, checking my email, grilling a steak on the George Foreman, and taking a bath. Just like every night.

DP: I see. And what did you see this time?

CM: Well, that commercial came on with that stupid Louie the Lightning Bug guy.

DP: Ah yes, I rather enjoy that commercial.

CM: Yeah well, during his annoying little song he referred to me by my name.

DP: Do remember exactly what you heard?

CM: He said, ‘You gotta play it safe around electricity… CRAIG!’ I was so terrified I didn’t sleep all night!

DP: Interesting. And last week you said you were accosted by an owl?

CM: I know it sounds nuts, but he was wearing green pants and a hat!

DP: Yes, I remember your description. I wonder… Do you remember what you were doing that night?

CM: Just going for a walk. I had just finished my smoke when he appeared. I flicked the butt over a fence and the next thing I know, this owl’s telling me to ‘give a hoot’ or something! And he knew my name too! I tell ya, Doc, I can’t take this much longer! I’m losing it!

DP: Not to worry, Mr. Morgan. I think I know exactly what you should do.

CM: Anything, Doc. Anything!

DP: You just need some fresh air and relaxation. I’m enrolling you in a mountain getaway this weekend at the Lincoln National Forest. That should distract you from any bothersome visions.

CM: Wow! That sounds great! I can build a campfire and smoke and shoot all the bottle rockets I want! Thanks, Doc! I feel better already!

Craig at BustedTees