Today on Kitchen Nightmares, Chef Ramsay pays a visit to the Shire and a local landmark, The Green Dragon. But will the stubborn hobbit owner be receptive to the changes? Or will this beloved pub get the snub from Chef Ramsay?

“Right. First off, what the [beep] is this [beep]?”

“That’s a menu, Chef.”

“Wrong! This is a bloody encyclopedia. I mean, look at this! I’m surprised your customers can lift the [beep]ing thing much less order anything from it!”

“Well to be fair, Chef, luncheon is our busiest time. Rest assured, our other menus are much more selective.”

“Other menus!?”

“Well yes, of course. We’re open for all seven meals of the day.”

“[Beep] me, I’m going to need a drink. Don’t tell me your cocktail list is this bloody thick?”

“Oh no, Chef. We don’t have anything like that. Just the one kind of ale.”

“Then what the [beep] are all those barrels behind the bar?”

“The ale, of course. Wouldn’t want to run out of our only drink, would we?”

“Alright, that’s it! I’m done for the day. You’re on your own.”

After an overly-dramatic night of cursing and slamming doors, Chef Ramsay returns the next morning with a game plan.

“Right, it’s clear to me The Green Dragon has lost sight of what a traditional English pub is all about. We have a bloated menu and a pathetic selection of drinks. Add that to a dank, poorly-lit hole in the wall atmosphere—”

“Hole in the ground, actually.”

“Don’t ever interrupt me when I’m [beep]ing talking! Do you know who I am!? Do you know how many [beep]ing restaurants I own!?”

“Not really, sorry. You just walked in one day and started shouting at me.”

“When are you going to take responsibility for your [beep]ing business? When are you going to [beep]ing wake up and realize what you’re doing isn’t working?”

“Please, Mr. Ramsay, keep your voice down. You’re upsetting my customers. Which, I might add, are occupying every available table at the moment.”

“All seven of them! Oh yes, bloody good! Your pantry is twice the size of this sorry [beep]ing excuse for a dining room! Which leads me to my favorite part of the show: yelling nonstop about how filthy your kitchen is! Come on, let’s go.”

“But I have to take orders—”

“Not while I’m bitching you out! March!”

Next on Kitchen Nightmares, Chef Ramsay has a mild aneurysm screaming about dirt on a floor that is chiefly comprised of dirt. Stay tuned!

Second Breakfast Diner at BustedTees