“Thank you for calling the Kakariko Bazaar customer hotline. My name is Guru-Guru. Would you like to hear about our new and improved Deku Nuts?”

“No thanks. I have a question about an ocarina songbook I bought there about a week ago.”

“Is there a problem with your purchase, sir?”

“Not exactly. I’m just having trouble reading it. Thought maybe someone could help me out.”

“Well I can certainly try, sir. Do you still have the receipt with you?”

“Umm… yeah, here it is.”

“Okay. And what is the purchase number on the top of the slip?”


“Is that the entire number, sir?”

“I guess so. I’m pretty sure I’m the only person that actually shops around here.”

“Okay. And am I speaking to Mr. Link now?”

“It’s just Link, yeah.”

“Alright, Mr. Link. And what was the issue with your ocarina?”

“Actually it’s the sheet music. For instance, how do I play ‘up’ on my ocarina?”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand, Mr. Link.”

“Well I know the fingerings for the keys of ‘A’ and ‘B’. But I’m confused about the yellow arrows. Are they supposed to be keys ‘C’ through ‘F’? Or do they stand for sharps and flats?”

“Okay, Mr. Link, let me look up some information about that product real quick. It will just take a few moments.”

“Okay, sure.”

“…So how’s your day going so far?”

“Umm… fine?”

“Heh, that’s good. Mondays are the worst.”

“Yeah… they can be, I guess.”

“So what are you up to today?”

“Umm… trying to get into this graveyard temple, mostly.”

“Ooh! Sounds neat!”

“…Yeah. That’s why I called. I need to play this song to get inside. It’s kind of urgent.”

“It should only be a minute more. Darn computers are so slow, you know? Ha ha ha!”

“Heh… yeah.”

“At least you’re outside. I have to sit in this windmill all day answering the phones!”

“Uh huh. So you guys can’t put me on hold or something while I wait?”

“I could play my organ grinder into the phone if you’d like.”

“No, that’s alright.”

“Okay! It looks like my computer’s finally brought up our information! Let’s see… huh. It appears Kakariko Bazaar doesn’t currently carry ocarinas.”

“You sell ocarina sheet music but not ocarinas?”

“I’m afraid so. The computer suggests to contact the manufacturer in Kokiri Forest.”

“I don’t suppose you have their number.”

“I’m sorry, we don’t. Would you like me to pull up any information on the actual songbook?”

“No. I’ll just try my luck, thanks.”

“Alright! Was there anything else I can help you with today, Mr. Link? Perhaps you’d be interested in hearing about our new Lens of Truth?”


“Hello? Mr. Link? Oh well, looks like it’s back to the old grind-organ. Oho! That’s a good one! Man, how come nobody’s ever around when I come up with these?”

ΒΆ Song of Storms at BustedTees