Jackalope

“Rise and shine, Long Legs! I made coffee!”

“Ugh. What time is it?”

“Quarter after ten. Just in time for round two!”

“Cut it out. Just help me find my hooves. I have to be in an old lady’s garden today.”

“Oh yeah? Which one? I’ve been known to nibble lettuce leaves now and then.”

“Um, you wouldn’t know this garden. It’s across town. Besides, it’s kind of a family get together so…”

“That’s perfect! I’d love to meet your parents!”

“Well, actually—”

“Do you think I should groom my fur a bit first? Maybe I should bring a gift! Does your mom like clover?”

“Just listen to me for a second. Okay?”

“I’m all ears! Haha! Get it? Get it?”

“Hmm. That line was a lot funnier last night for some reason. Anyway, I wanted to thank you for a wonderful time and ask that we just… keep this between us. Alright?”

“What? Aww. I wanted to tell my friends I hooked up with a deer!”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“Oh. Uhh… what I meant was I don’t want to brag about sleeping with a deer?”

“I’m an antelope, you jackass!”

“No, no. I’m a jackrabbit— Hey! You were insulting me!”

“That’s right! And you’re nothing but a chauvinistic pig! My mother warned me about leporidae!”

“Wait, pigs? Leprosy? You lost me.”

“Oh, shut up. Where’s the nearest field from here?”

“Hold on, you’re leaving?”

“I told you I have to go.”

“So when can I see you again?”

“Look, last night was fun. But nobody can know what we did.”

“But I really like you!”

“I’m sorry. You’re sweet, but this was a mistake. There’s just no room in this world for our kind of love. Goodbye, Jackrabbit. And please don’t tell anyone about this.”

“Who’s going to believe me anyway? It’s not like we can procreate or anything.”

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