“Alright, kid. This is it. Don’t let me down out there tonight.”

“Whatever you say, coach.”

“Hey, kid. Whatsamatta with you lately, huh? You been layin’ out every schlub you go up against. You got endorsement agents and dames knockin’ down your door. What more could you want?”

“I told you, coach. It just isn’t the same over here.”

“Whaddaya mean? You knock ’em down same as before. Only over here you get paid for it.”

“I dunno. I just don’t feel motivated any more.”

“What you need, kid? I’ll get it for ya. Just say the word.”

“Maybe if you— no, that’s stupid. Forget I said anything.”

“Listen, kid. Back what when I was in the service, they called me Lover Boy ’cause I only fought when my best gal was watchin’. As long as she was there, I couldn’t lose. They used to fly her out to the Philippines just so I’d stay on top. So don’t stand there and tell me winning is stupid. Just name it and you got it.”

“Alright, well… could we somehow get the fight relocated outdoors near a shallow pool of water?”

“…Huh? You lost me, kid.”

“Back in the old country, we only fought for two reasons: females and limited drinking spots. I’ve never had a problem with the ladies. But if some stumpy-armed joey got near my water, I’d box his ears into next week.”

“You tellin’ me you used to knock guys out for a stinkin’ puddle?”

“No I’d literally box their ears. Then if they persisted, I’d disembowel them with my claws and kick them in the stomach. And by stomach I mean their actual stomach organ. Because I had disemboweled them at that point.”

“Yeah, kid, I got it. Tell you what. I’ll get the ref to okay a bucket of water in the ring. Will that help?”

“I guess so. Though on second thought, I do really miss the disemboweling.”

“Hey! Focus on the water, kid. Remember: float like a thirsty kangaroo, sting like a thirsty kangaroo. You’re an animal!”

“Yeah I’ll try and remember that.”

Kangaroo Fight Poster at Headline Shirts