Elvis-Meets-Vader

“Where is that shuttle going?”

“Shuttle, my Lord?”

“The modified Imperial Shuttle off port side.”

“Oh, the sparkly one with the… uh, steer horns on the front of the cockpit? I was just about to clear it for docking, my Lord.”

“Do they have a code clearance?”

“The pilot gave an older code, sir, but it checks out. Shall I hold?”

“No, Admiral Piett. Lead him to me. I will deal with this myself. I sense something… A presence I’ve not felt since—”

“Lord Vader! I am receiving a request from the docking bay for an armed escort. It seems the captain refuses to turn over his blasters.”

“There’s no need for alarm, Admiral. Bring him before me… immediately.”

“As you wish, my Lord. The crew is bringing him in now.”

“… No you don’t understand! I never go nowhere without my blasters! I don’t care if you are an army man! Do you know who I am? Well let me tell you somethin’, private. You ain’t gonna be workin’ here no more… Hey, hey! Darth Vader! How are you doin’ today, sir?”

“Elvis Presley. To what do we owe this… unexpected visit?”

“Oh, hey man. I’m sorry to barge in here like this. It’s just that I heard about them rebels and what happened with the Death Star and all and… well, I just had to see for myself that you were okay, you know? Couple a weeks driftin’ in deep space can change a man.”

“I appreciate your concern, Mr. Presley. Rest assured, the rebel strike was nothing more than a fluke. As we speak, a company of Star Destroyers is descending upon Yavin 4.”

“Hey, man, that’s good to hear. Rebel scum shoulda known only fools rush in! You know, my heart broke when I found out that explosion claimed Wilhuff Tarkin’s life. I remember voting for him in the primaries. Now that was a man taken before his time.”

“Yes, the Grand Moff will be missed. Though he was seventy-eight when he passed.”

“Say now, I didn’t come all the way here to mope about what’s past. I gotta admit, Mr. Vader, sir, I’ve always admired you.”

“Really.”

“Well, sure! I mean, here we are— two powerful n’ influential men at the height of their careers. Both from backwater worlds and poor families. But look at us now! Now we’re changin’ the universe! …Hey, you wanna see my collection of police badges?”

“Perhaps after we pose for a photo, Mr. Presley.”

“Hey, no problem, Darth. Can I call you Darth? Oh, by the way, before I forget—you got any of them Imperial Narcotics Officer badges? Man, I’d love one of those for my collection.”

“Just smile for the camera, Mr. Presley.”

Elvis Meets Vader at Headline Shirts