The-Usual-Suspects

“This is the last known photograph of them all?”

“Yep. A real line-up, let me tell you. Guy on the left: Dean ‘Cookie Crook’ Keaton. Ex-cop, likes to work on cars now. Officer Crumb picked him up on a relatively minor offense a couple months ago.”

“I heard about that. Crumb said Keaton’s dog ’bout took his leg off. Nearly had to put it down. It’s a shame how people train their pets. Poor thing kept howling.”

“You finished with the PETA speech, Phil?”

“Sorry, chief.”

“The guy in the shades: Chester ‘Cheetah’ McManus. We’d been trying for years to get him and his partner, Fred ‘The Noid’ Fenster, on over a dozen robbery charges. But we’re not looking for Fenster any more.”

“Why’s that?”

“We found him. A few days ago, some kids stumbled across Fenster’s body on the beach, marinara sauce everywhere. Still looking for McManus, although we did find a single white glove covered in cheese dust down at the docks.”

“Nasty business… So who’s that guy, chief?”

“The one in the middle? Todd ‘The Hamburglar’ Hockney. Under suspicion of hijacking refrigerated beef convoys out of South America. Definitely the brains of the operation. We’re still trying to determine his role in the raid.”

“What about the gimpy rabbit?”

“Oh, him? He’s a nobody. Roger ‘Trix’ Kint. Special Agent Kujan is interrogating him now on Hockney’s involvement. Currently, Kujan suspects Hockney may be this Keebler Söze character ‘Trix’ keeps talking about.”

“Who?”

“You haven’t heard? Apparently this job went deeper than we thought. Keebler Söze is supposed to be this mysterious Turkish mob boss masterminding the whole venture. ‘Trix’ told this story about how a rival gang took his worker elves hostage and demanded a cut of his operation. So what does Keebler Söze do? Burns the whole place to the ground. Says he’d rather watch his tree house burn than share the power.”

“Wow, that’s pretty hardcore. What’s this guy look like?”

“Funny you should ask. I got a sketch artist working on a rendering right now. In fact, that sounds like the fax machine. Let’s see what he sent… ”

“Something wrong, chief?”

“Get Kujan on the phone! Tell him to retain Kint at all costs! Silly rabbit—’Trix’ is a fib!”

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