Pineapple-Crossbones

“Avast thar! What be this man o’ war?”

“Search me, Cap’n. I never seen a Jolly Roger o’ such ilk.”

“Well then hail ’em, ye scallywag! That or run a shot across thar bow.”

“Too late, Cap’n! Looks like they’ve already launched a dinghy!”

“Curses! Tell the lads to man stations. And fetch me crimson doublet. I’ll be buggered if I be givin’ quarter to these bilge-suckin’ sons o’…”

“Ahoy, there! Permission to come aboard?”

“Who be ye, scurvy dog?”

“Oh! I see you’ve heard of us.”

“Heard of ye? What be this tripe?”

“Ah, my mistake. My name is Chad, first mate of the Scurvy Dogs Health Consultants. And have we all had our vitamin-C today?”

“How did ye come to pilot that thar longboat so swiftly? Hasn’t been more than a moment since ye dipped oars!”

“Well I’m so glad you asked! You see, besides being an essential part of synthesizing collagen and preventing kidney stones, citrus fruit is also a great way to get a burst of energy in the morning.”

“What are ye goin’ on about ye poxy blaggard?”

“Did someone say poxy? Well look no further than citrus fruit peels! Just rub your face with an orange or lemon peel for a bright fresh complexion! It’s also great for polishing copper and removing lime buildup around your faucets.”

“Cap’n, me think’s this bloke be addled!”

“Aye, that or he’s three sheets to the wind. What do ye want of us, landlubber?”

“Just to drop off a few fruit baskets. You can never be too careful when it comes to preventing scurvy. Did I mention citrus is also a great way to repel mosquitoes?”

“We won’t be needin’ yer succor, swab. Me lads have enough salted grub and rum to last the fortnight. Now shove off.”

“Oooo. See, you really ought to be supplementing a protein-heavy diet with some fresh fruit now and ag—”

“I said shove off, ye lily-livered milk maid! Or I’ll be scuttlin’ yer ship and keelhaulin’ yer sorry hide!”

“Alright, suit yourself. I suppose we can just use these extra citrus peels to keep our stores of medical cannabis moist…”

“Shiver me timbers! Ready the six pounders and prepare to broadside at starboard!”

“Ye mean to board ’em, Cap’n?”

“To arms, you dogs! Tonight we be curin’ our scurvy and our glaucoma!”

Pineapple Crossbones at Headline Shirts