RPG-Skeleton

This is Groll Bonemasher, covering another exciting WRPG blood match here at Premiere Alchemy™ Coliseum.

We’ve witnessed some thrilling displays of carnage today. But nothing will compare to this evening’s Battle Royale, sponsored by our friends at Spikey™. Remember folks, for mace and morning star needs great and small, think Spikey™: Just Skew It!

But before we roll the first attack die, it’s time for the Flamehammer Attorneys at Law™ Bestiary Rundown! No matter how great your foe, remember Terry Flamehammer has your back. Compassion, understanding, total obliteration—that’s the Flamehammer Experience.

Our newest group of challengers are a multi-racial level twelve to fifteen adventuring party hailing from every corner of the Loincloth Realms. These plucky contenders include a beefy blonde tank, an ornery dwarf with a Scottish accent and a heart of gold, a morally ambiguous rogue, and an elven sorceress who appears to be wearing nothing but dental floss.

I tell ya folks, I haven’t seen this much diversity since Lothar the Paladin got drawn and quartered by those rampaging chimeras last month! By the way, if you missed that sentencing, be sure to pick up the commemorative dismembering Lothar action figure on sale this week at the Premiere Alchemy™ Coliseum Sundry Shoppe!

Today’s match promises to be especially exciting as this is these playable characters’ first encounter with the undead. And let me tell ya fans, we are more than able to educate them! Introducing… the Doom from the Tomb… the Knaves from the Graves… ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for your own Combatting Cadavers!

[Applause]

Tonight, playing left flank—Elite Skeleton Number Three!

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On right flank—Elite Skeleton Number Two!

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And last, but certainly not least, playing center—Elite Skeleton Chieftain!

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I should mention that all of the Cadavers’ panoply for today’s bloodletting has been provided by Plunder Armour™ and their new Forever Lustrous™ line of personal protective covering. That’s Plunder Armour™: Protect This Citadel!

And now, fans, it’s time for the Mountain Brew: Code Crimson™ Initiative Roll! Tonight’s initiative check will be presided over by former Dark Overlord Brian “Render of Souls” Blackcloak. Remember fans, if the Cadavers roll a natural twenty on this check, all ice-cold Mountain Brew™ products will be only one gold for the first half-skirmish!

…And there’s the toss. Looks like Mr. Blackcloak is acknowledging the guest team as having won the first round. Maybe next time, fans! Let’s give Brian a big round of applause—thanks Brian! Again fans, be sure to head down to our many fine concession hovels in the Pits of Concourse to quench your thirst with a cold, refreshing Mountain Brew™!

Spectators, at this time please rise and remove your helms for the Dark Hymn of Conquest, as sung by ten-year-old Bobby Plaguestorm…

RPG Skeleton at J!NX