NPC

My fellow, non-player characters— the adventurer has failed us. When we gave him free reign of this fair land and our sprawling dungeons, the economy was in recession. He made it worse and he made it last longer.

He promised slain monsters, restored peace, and bolstered business. We handed over our hard-earned gold in exchange for hearsay of a villain’s demise and reagents we easily could have collected ourselves.

Three questlines later, over sixteen NPCs are out of work— they just quit looking for quests. Dozens more have been killed simply for the meager XP they provide. Three questlines later, smurfing is still above eight percent and that was the figure the adventurer’s stimulus promised to keep from happening.

Three questlines later, bandit raids are still at record highs. Three questlines later, the prices of our thatched huts continue to fall. Three questlines later, our healing potion debt has grown nearly as large as our entire economy.

And families are buried under higher prices for mutton and higher prices for mead. It drains my lifebar to see what’s happening to this great kingdom. These failing hopes make up the main character’s own misery index. It’s never been higher.

And what’s his answer? He says this: “I’m just power leveling.” No, Mr. Playable Character. You’ve had your fun. We the NPCs in this tavern and citizens across the game are the ones who are power leveling now.

Grab your pitchforks, everyone. We can’t deal with our loans, so let’s deal out some pwns! Huzzah!

NPC at J!NX