World-of-Ni-Craft

“Mr. Dalton? A Mr. Knight here to see you?”

“Thank you, Karen. Send him right in… Mr. Knight! How have you been? We haven’t heard from you since that snafu with Redwood National Forest. You know, I never did understand their position on animal rights. I mean, the herring was dead already, right?”

“nnnnnnnnNI!”

“Ouch. Yeah, that was loud.”

“WE SHALL SAY ‘NI!’ AGAIN TO YOU IF YOU DO NOT APPEASE US!”

“…Okay. How can I help you?”

“THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY ‘NI!’ DEMAND… A NAME CHANGE!”

“Another business name change, Mr. Knight? Last year you were Shrubberies, Laurels, & Company, the year before that you were called British Petroleum. Now you’re on this ‘knight’ thing. I just don’t see…”

“NI! NI! NI!”

“Ow! Stop! I’ll change the name again, all right? I just need you to answer a few questions.”

“PROCEED!”

“You’ll have to remind me— are the Knights Who Say ‘Ni!’ a non-profit? A partnership? A sole proprietorship?”

“THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY ‘NI!’ HAVE EYES AND EARS IN MANY COURTS! THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY ‘NI!’ HAVE SHEARS IN MANY SHRUBBERIES! ALL WHO SEEK TO PROTECT THE SACRED WORDS SHALL BE DRAWN TO OUR CAUSE! ALL WHO WOULD SEE OUR ENEMIES SNUFFED SHALL BE UNWILLING SLAVES TO OUR CHARGE!”

“Ah, yes. A corporation, then. And did you bring the Articles of Incorporation along with you today?”

“NI!”

“Ow! You know what, that’s okay. I’ll take down some notes and we can amend the articles when you get a chance to fax them over. Let me just grab an eleven twenty here… okay. And the Knights Who Say ‘Ni!’ is in what line of business again?”

“WE ARE THE KEEPERS OF THE SACRED WORDS: ‘NI!’, ‘PENG!’, AND ‘NEEE-WOM!'”

“Uhhh… I’ll just mark you down as a holdings firm for now and we can change that later if we need to. So now, what were you thinking of changing the business name to this time, Mr. Knight?”

“WE ARE NO LONGER THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY ‘NI!’. WE ARE NOW THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY ‘ECKY ECKY ECKY ECKY PAKANG ZOOM BOING!'”

“…Could you spell that for me please?”

“ORTHOGRAPHY IS A TOOL USED BY THOSE WHO WOULD DEMYSTIFY AND DEGRADE THE SACRED WORDS! YOUR REQUEST SHALL NOT BE HONORED, SILLY LAWYER MAN!”

“…Uh huh. Tell you what— I’ll just write you down as the Knights Who Until Recently Say ‘Ni!’ and we’ll get the correct spelling once your fax comes in. All right! We’re all set for now, Mr. Knight. All we need is your signature and, of course, the twenty dollar processing fee.”

“AS PAYMENT FOR YOUR SERVICES, THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY ‘ECKY ECKY ECKY ECKY PAKANG ZOOM BOING!’ SHALL GRANT YOU SAFE PASSAGE THROUGH THESE WOODS!”

“I appreciate the gesture, Mr. Knight, but we’re on the twenty second floor of an office building. If you’d prefer we sent you a bill, it can…”

“AHH! DON’T SAY THAT WORD!”

“What word?”

“I CANNOT UTTER THE WORD THE KNIGHTS OF ‘NI!’ CANNOT HEAR!”

“What about the name change? Do you want to change it back?”

“AHH! YOU SAID THE WORD AGAIN!”

“Look, Mr. Knight, it’s getting late and…”

“AHH! NO! CURSE YOU, SILLY LAWYER MAN! THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY ‘NI!’ SHALL REMEMBER YOUR TREACHERY! WE SHALL RETURN!”

“…Karen?”

“Yes, Mr. Dalton?”

“I need you to contact corporate requesting the immediate termination of any accounts linked to my last client.”

“Shall I overnight that, sir?”

“Too slow. Send it in a coconut via one African swallow or two European swallows strung on a line.”

World of Ni-Craft at RedBubble