CMYK-Bowie

“David, come back to bed, honey.”

“You know I can’t do that Maude. I’ve got to keep trying.”

“Please, it’s late. You can wait ’til morning to kill Hitler.”

“I do what I must. Where are my space boots?”

“David, the Smithsonian didn’t give you that time machine so you could kill Hitler in the past— they gave it to you so you could learn protohybrid alien glam rock from the future.”

“And I did. Ziggy Stardust came back from 2120 to save Rock and Roll. Now David Bowie must go back to 1890 to save the motherland.”

“1890? What are you talking about?”

“That’s been my mistake this whole time, Maude. Whenever I go back to the 1940s, Hitler is already in power. I can never get close enough. This way—”

“Oh, David, you can’t!”

“I can, and I will. I’m going to kill baby Hitler.

“But David, think of history! Without Hitler’s rise to power, there’s no World War II. Without World War II, there’s no nuclear science. Without nuclear science, there’s no time machine. You’ll be stuck in the void of space-time forever!”

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

“What about us? What about our son?

“My second-greatest fear is going back in time, killing Hitler, being trapped in the nether-realm of the pre-singularity zeroverse, and never meeting my boy. But my greatest fear is not doing that thing I just said, and regretting it for the rest of my lavish celebrity life.”

“It’s so dangerous!”

“Don’t worry, Maude. This time, I’ve got help.”

“Help? What are you—”

*PHOOSH*

*PHOOSH*

“Dave, you made it! What took you so long?”

“I couldn’t find my space boots. No matter. Are you ready for this, wrestler-turned-actor Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson?”

“I smell ya, DB.”

“How about you, cartoonist Jim Davis?”

“I hate Mondays.”

“Very good. Gentlemen? Let’s roll.”

Will Dave and the gang be able to intercept Baby Hitler? Can Maude accept her husband’s era-hopping martyrdom? And what has become of the space boots? All this and more in Part II of the David Bowie: Chronological Vigilante series, “Inglorious Babysitters“!

CMYK Stardust at RedBubble