Mordor-University

Grey Pilgrim comes to see.
Baggins’ hundred-eleventy.
Firecrackers, Old Toby, Gaffer’s home brew.

Bilbo’s speech a bit unclear.
Hand in pocket, disappears.
Left the ring. Said “adieu”.
Gandalf’s got some work to do.

[Instrumental Break]

Minas Tirith – sixteen years.
Scroll confirms the worst of fears.
Ring of Power, evil pure.
Sauron rebuilt Barad-dûr.

Nazgûl come to maim and kill.
Frodo goes by Underhill.
Takes the ring. On the run.
He and Sam leave Hobbiton.

We didn’t part the Shire
Things were quite concerning since Mount Doom was burning.
We didn’t part the Shire
But it’s such a pain to bear Isildur’s bane.

Old Man Willow – what a thrill.
Safe in House of Bombadil.
Barrow Downs. Brandywine.
Trying to avoid The Nine.

Late that night. Town of Bree.
Prancing Pony – finally!
Strider’s there. Gandalf’s gone.
Prisoner of Saruman.

Weathertop. Frodo’s scar.
Witch King of Angmar.
Morgul-blade. Bruinen.
Rivendell. Medicine.

Elrond forms the Fellowship.
Nine companions for the trip.
Epic quest. Lodgings queer.
Keep an eye on Boromir.

We didn’t part the Shire
Wasted three months talking now we’re off and walking.
We didn’t part the Shire
But we kind of swore we’d take the ring to Mordor.

Misty Mountains, Caradhras.
Avalanche. Cannot pass.
Dimril Dale euphoria.
Tentacles in Moria.

Cousin Balin in a tomb.
Balrog fight in Kazad-Dûm.
Flame of Udûn, Gandalf fell, Lothlorien, Galadriel.

[Instrumental Break]

Amon Hen. Things awry.
Showdown with the Uruk-hai.
Arrows pierce. Boromir.
Merry, Pippin commandeered.

Fellowship is splintering.
Sam and Frodo with the ring.
Strider, Gimli, Legolas.
Take a jog to Edoras.

We didn’t part the Shire
Well we had to fraction due to all the action.
We didn’t part the Shire
Things get pretty solemn when we’re led by Gollum.

Dead Marshes, Black Gate.
Sméagol says evacuate.
Faramir. Lends an ear and shows his quality.

In the meantime, Gandalf’s back.
Helm’s Deep is under attack.
Theoden. Killing spree.
Isengaard usurped by trees.

Deeping Wall. Hour dark.
Score one for the Riddermark.
Aragorn. Saves the day.
What else do I have to say?

We didn’t part the Shire
But we almost bungled pass of Cirith Ungol.
We didn’t part the Shire
After miles of stairs we still have Shelob’s Lair.

Palantir. Had a look.
Beacons lit by foolish Took.
Final war. Pellenor.
Gandalf torches Denethor.

Grond the Wolf. Takes the gate.
Rohirrim eviscerate.
Sauron’s army bites the dust.
Knights of Gondor – all or bust.

Frodo, Sam in Morgul Vale.
Water gone and lembas stale.
Pushing on, the end is nigh.
Friends distract the Flaming Eye.

Crack of Doom. Finger bit.
Gollum topples in the pit.
Frodo wins! Ring destroyed!
All the nerds are overjoyed!

We didn’t part the Shire
Rescued by an eagle after melting Sméagol.
We came back to the Shire
And met Saruman,
But we still fought on and on and on and on…

We didn’t part the Shire
Middle-earth was yearning for the King’s returning.
We didn’t part the Shire
Off to lands undying, themes are underlying.

We didn’t part the Shire
Nothing but elation for the adaptations.
We didn’t part the Shire
Make another billion – film the Silmarillion.

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