“So then I said, ‘Let me guess. Someone stole your sweet roll?'”

“Ha! That is priceless! You have a gift, Hroki. I wish I could come up with lines like that.”

“Hold on. What have we here?”

“What is it? Dragons?”

“Naw, just some travelers. I’ll get them… Halt! By the Jarl’s orders the city has been closed.”

“Is there a problem, officers?”

“Haven’t you heard? A dragon has been sighted in the area. It destroyed a whole town!”

“Hmm. I’ve never heard of a krayt dragon taking on an entire settlement before. Have you, Ben?”

“Perhaps we were made to think one did.”

“Hey, yeah. Like those Jawas back there.”

“What are you two talking about? Wabbajack?”

“No, see we found these Jawas that looked like they were killed by Sand People. But it was really the Imperials. Maybe the Empire staged this krayt dragon attack too.”

“The Empire? Why would Imperials burn down Helgen?”

“I haven’t heard of this spaceport Helgen, but it seems the Emperor is going to great lengths to retrieve this droid of ours.”

“Man, R2-D2 must have some pretty vital data if Imperials are bothering looking in the Outer Rim.”

“Okay- first of all, it’s pronounced Skyrim. Second, even if the Emperor wasn’t dead, why would he want your Dwemer automatons?”

“What!? Emperor Palpatine is dead?”

“All right, what’s going on over here? Hroki, are these foreigners giving you problems?”

“Get this, Tor. These milk drinkers haven’t heard about that big Dark Brotherhood hit.”

“Excuse me. What’s the Dark Brotherhood?”

“You know. That evil cult that worships Sithis.”

“Oh my. It’s worse than I feared, Luke. It seems the Sith have returned!”

“Who are the Sith, Ben?”

“Wait, I’m confused. Are you two talking about Sithis, God of the Void?”

“That depends. Are you referring to the Sith Lord Darth Vader?”

“Is that the Daedric Prince with the shrine near Dawnstar?”

“What’s that about Deathstar?”

“Azura’s Star? Up by Winterhold?”

“Winterhold? Is that on Hoth?”


“No, I think they mean Morthal.”


“All right! Enough, already! Look, we’re going to need to see some identification, travelers.”

“You don’t need to see our identification.”

“Well, he’s got us there, Tor.”

“Yeah, he must have a high Speech. On your way then. And no lollygagging!”

“Have a nice day and may the Unrelenting Force be with you.”

ΒΆ These Aren’t The Dragons We’re Looking For at SnorgTees