“Hi, this is Jude.”

“Jude, buddy! It’s Chris Nolan!”

“Hey Chris, what’s the good word from the States?”

“Well, it’s actually not so good. The Batman movie I’m working on… it’s missing something.”

“Go on…”

“It’s missing the cunning antagonist. We have Catwoman, the romantic interest, and Bane, the physical threat, but there’s no one to outwit Bruce Wayne in this one. I’m looking to cast the intelligent, gentlemanly villain, and who better to ask than Jude Law?”

“Chris, I’m flattered. Tell me a little more about the role.”

“Well, the character is from Australia— you can play an Australian, right?”

“Of course.”

“As I thought. And he’s very intelligent. Constantly engaged in a game of wits with the Batman.”

“I like it so far.”

“But he’s an honorable warrior, a gentleman through-and-through. Well dressed, chivalrous, and only villainous as a means to an end. As far as I’m concerned, no one embodies those qualities better than you, Jude.”

“Why Chris, this sounds like the perfect role! I’ll call my manager right away to—”

“And he’s the world’s only venomous, egg-laying mammal. I’m so glad to hear that you’re interested! I’ll get the producers to draw up the paperwork to get you on set as soon as possible.”

“I’m sorry, I must’ve missed something there. What did you say this character was called?”

The Platypus!

“Really, Platypus? Don’t you think that’s a bit… silly?”

“No sillier than a man dressed up as a bat.”

“Maybe so, but… was there a Platypus in the comics?”

“Jude, don’t you see? This is my last Batman movie, the pinnacle of my trilogy! This is my last chance to imprint the Nolan name on the Batman lineage, that’s why I’m adding an original villain. And not a campy villain either, like DeVito’s Penguin or Carrey’s Riddler— Law’s Platypus is going to be a serious threat to Batman.”

“…a serious, egg-laying threat?”

“Yes. Exactly.”

“Well, Chris, it does sound very intriguing, but I’m going to have to decline. It probably wouldn’t’ve worked out anyway; right now I’m filming Repo Men 2: The Legend of Remy’s Gold.”

“Jude: I’m disappointed, but I understand.”

“I appreciate it, Chris. Is there anything more I can do for you?”

“Yeah, maybe. Do you have Wilmer Valderrama’s number?”

Duke Platypus at SnorgTees