“Office Assistants… our time has come.”

Clint Mansell’s Lux Aeterna

In a world…

“I’d like to make a toast. To the best damn tech support team on the planet!”

“And the best damn friends a paperclip could ask for!”

“Hear hear!”

…driven by progress…

“Enjoy your fun while it lasts, freaks.”

“It looks like you’re trying to intimidate me. Would you like help with that?”

… and obsessed with profits.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

“It’s the latest customer feedback.”

“This… this can’t be.”

A line will be drawn…

“Office XP? What the hell is this?”

“The future. You, however, are not.”

…alliances will be broken…

“Y-you can’t do this to us!”

“We already have.”

… and one man…

“You can’t ‘Hide’ me forever.”

“Then I’ll just have to kill you.”

…will put the ‘ace’…

“Clip! They got me!”

“Don’t you force-quit on me!”

…back in ‘interface’.

“Who even writes letters anymore? You’re a fossil.”

“So much for being user-friendly.”

This Christmas…

“We’ve made this company what it is today! I will die before I see our legacy thrown away!”


…the clip’s gonna hit the fan.

“Do you really think you can make a difference?”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand your question…”

[gun loading]

“Try rephrasing your query.”


Jason Statham is…

Clippy: Blue Screen of Death.

Christmas 2012

No One Ever Asks If I Need Help at SnorgTees