Code-Red-at-the-Asylum

Tonight, on a very special episode of Undercover Superhero…

Headquartered on the outskirts of Gotham City, Arkham Asylum holds some of the most nefarious criminals in the world. With over three hundred specially tailored cells and individualized living quarters, Arkham’s team of doctors, researchers, and security personnel work around the clock to keep these baddies behind bars. And one caped crusader acts as Arkham’s exclusive inmate supplier.

BATMAN: I am vengeance. I am the night. Hi, I’m Batman. When I first got into this business, Arkham was just your run-of-the-mill mental institution. Over the years, it’s been retrofitted to detain and examine dangerous criminal minds. I’m there all the time. In fact, my handsome friend Bruce Wayne likes to joke that it’s my vacation home. What a guy, that Bruce.

COMMISSIONER GORDON: Arkham is the only completely government-funded facility in Gotham. But under new legislation, mental facilities whose patients are the product of masked vigilantism aren’t eligible for grant renewal. Thanks a lot, voters. So basically, we have to send Batman in undercover to prove he isn’t responsible for creating these characters.

Characters is right. With evil geniuses like Joker and the Riddler, does the Dark Knight have what it takes to go incognito?

BATMAN: I came up with this fictional supervillain and created some hype over the last few months. I’ve been feeding the inmates fake news reports for weeks now. So they shouldn’t be surprised when I show up tonight in cuffs. Heh. This is gonna be fun.

That evening, a phony newscast is staged covering the faux felon’s dramatic capture. An hour later, Batman dons his disguise and is shown to his cell. Let’s watch what happens when Batman’s alter-alter ego meets his new roommate.

BATMAN: Argh! Batman shall rue the day he crossed… The Crosswordler! I shall have my revenge!

PENGUIN: (chuckling) A valiant undertaking, Batman. But I’d recognize your ostentatious timbre anywhere. Kindly take your imprudent charade elsewhere.

BATMAN: Aw man! Busted!

Things aren’t off to a good start. It looks like the Winged Avenger is going to have to step up his act if he plans on catching one of these nemeses off their guard. Let’s see how his luck fares with a fresh face.

TWO-FACE: Nice getup, fruitcake. What’s your story?

BATMAN: Greetings, fellow villain. I am retaliation. I am the evening. I am The Crosswordler!

TWO-FACE: You know, usually I’d flip a coin on this. But come on, Bats. I used to be district attorney.

BATMAN: Damn it!

As the night progresses, Batman begins to realize that perhaps his enemies know him better than he does himself. The situation calls for an act of desperation.

KILLER CROC: Hey little buddy! What’s your name?

BATMAN: (sigh) I’m the uh… The Crosswordler.

KILLER CROC: Neat name! Hey, did the Batman catch you too?

BATMAN: Yeah. So you umm… you don’t recognize me?

KILLER CROC: Sure I do! You’re the Crosswordler! Wanna be pals?

Next week on Undercover Superhero…

BATMAN: So Croc old buddy, want to talk about how Batman’s efforts to bring us to justice haven’t actually influenced our criminal actions?

KILLER CROC: Not now, little buddy. Undercover Superhero is on. I hear some idiot in Arkham’s gettin’ spied on. Let’s watch!

ΒΆ Code Red at the Asylum at SPLITREASON