Hush, little baby, don’t be annoyed,
Mama’s gonna let you build a protocol droid.

And if that droid tells you the odds,
Go down to the junkyard to race some pods.

And if the pod race sets you free,
Leave the planet with Qui-Gon and Obi.

And if you’re trained on Coruscant,
You may learn that you are a force savant.

But if you don’t commit your life,
You’ll get too attached to your princess wife.

And if Padmé your heart stays with,
Palapatine will turn you to a Sith.

And if you lose your legs and arms,
Your new son will hide out on moisture farms.

And if he chooses to rebel,
Lock his sister up in a torture cell.

And if he finds and sets her free,
Kill your former master before they flee.

And if the Falcon gets away,
They’ll form an Alliance to make you pay.

And if those Rebels declare war,
Set the Death Star’s laser to Yavin 4.

And if they bomb the exhaust ports,
You’ll discover your son can use the force.

And if you trap him on Bespin,
Cut his hand off and tell him you are kin.

And if he’s soon a Jedi Knight,
You’ll have to confront him for one last fight.

And if the fight leaves you to die,
Join up with the rest of the ghost Jedi.

And with your tale of great ambition,
Sell it twice—first normal, then Special Edition.

Star Bright at SPLITREASON