The-Don

“I believe in America. America has made my fortune. And I raised my daughter in the American fashion. I gave her freedom, but… I taught her never to dishonor her family.

“She found a job; a network affiliate. She interviewed politicians for them; she sat in on the panels. I didn’t protest. Two months ago, they offered her a promotion, under a right-wing commentator. They made her report conservative propaganda. And then they tried to pass it off as her idea! She resisted. She kept her honor. So they demoted her, like an animal.

“When I visited her in the Bronx, her spirit was broken. Her reputation was shattered, held together by social media. She can’t even tweet because of the pain. She was the light of my life. Now she will never be a network anchor. Then I said to her, ‘for justice, we must go to Donatello and his brothers.”

“You’ve known of our existence for years. But this is the first time you came to us for counsel, for help. I can’t remember the last time that you invited me to your house for a slice of pizza, even though my family has saved your only child countless times. But let’s be frank here— you never wanted my friendship. And uh, you were afraid to come down here.”

“I— I didn’t want to ruin my shoes.”

“I understand. But uh, now you come to me and you say, ‘Donatello, give me justice.’ But you don’t ask with respect. You don’t offer friendship. You don’t even think to take off your shoes before entering our dojo.”

“I’m sorry about tracking in the uh… mud. But all I’m asking is for you to rough up her former bosses. Maybe throw them head-first into some garbage cans? You know, a little Turtle justice?”

“This is not justice. Your daughter is still a local reporter.”

“Then make them work human interest stories, as she does! I’ll keep you and your brothers in pizza for as long as you like!”

“Mr. O’Neil… What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? Had you come to me in friendship, then this scum that ruined your daughter would be highlighting some 4H Livestock Expo this very day. And that by chance if an honest man such as yourself should make enemies, then they would become our enemies. And then they would fear you.”

“I’ll pay you $20,000.”

“Hey, Mikey! Bring the Turtle Van around! Where did you say these guys lived, Mr. O’Neil?”

The Don at SPLITREASON