10:21 AM

DR. ERHARDT: Hello, Joel. Have a seat.

JOEL ROBINSON: Where am I? What is this place?

ERHARDT: After escaping Gizmonic Institute Testing Facility 2505B, a.k.a. the Satellite of Love, your escape pod was recovered from the bottom of Lake Waconia. You are now in a military bunker four miles beneath St. Paul.

ROBINSON: I’m back in Minnesota? Wow! I’m finally home!

ERHARDT: Don’t get too excited, Joel. Before you can reenter society, you must be debriefed.

ROBINSON: Ordinarily I’d riff that last line. But I’m just glad to be back. Hey what are movies like nowadays? Is Joe Don Baker still in stuff?

ERHARDT: Not really. But Spielberg just made a big dinosaur blockbuster I’m sure you’d enjoy. And there’s a movie out based on Super Mario Brothers too.

ROBINSON: Looks like I have some catching up to do.

ERHARDT: Indeed you do. A lot has changed since 1988. People collect cardboard milk caps and tiny felt animals filled with beans. And gas is $1.16 a gallon.

ROBINSON: Holy smokes! I can’t afford that on a janitor’s salary.

ERHARDT: Actually, Joel, Gizmonic Institute has already… replaced you.

ROBINSON: What? I pull a five-year shift with no vacations and this is how they repay me? Watching movies and cleaning stuff is all I know!

ERHARDT: From what I understand, you were able to build not one but four sentient automatons from spare parts during your time in orbit. I’m sure there’s a market for that somewhere.

ROBINSON: Well yeah. But I can’t remember how I did all that. Heck, I don’t even know how I was able to eat and breathe up there for that long. Come to think of it, there are quite a few science facts that just don’t add up.

ERHARDT: Joel, in order to recondition you for life in the real world, you must let go of any unexplainable circumstances you may have encountered during your employment with Gizmonic Institute. So I want you to repeat after me: it’s just a show.

ROBINSON: I’m sorry, what?

ERHARDT: This is for your own good, Joel. Say it. It’s just a show.

ROBINSON: Umm… it’s just a show.

ERHARDT: I should really just relax.

ROBINSON: I should really just relax.

ERHARDT: Very good, Joel. Now continue that mantra for the next four hours.

ROBINSON: Do I have to?

ERHARDT: I could play Manos: The Hands of Fate instead.

ROBINSON: It’s just a show. I should really just relax. It’s just a show. I should really just relax…

ΒΆ Satellite of Love at SPLITREASON