Kessel-Run

♫ Bonnie Tyler’s “Holding Out For A Hero” ♫

SMUGGLER #1: I’m running from adversity.

SMUGGLER #2: I’m running from oppression.

SMUGGLER #3: I’m running… for a cure.

“Hi, I’m Kessel Spice advocate and local businessman Nien Nunb. Ever since the tragedy at Endor, our industry has sought to eradicate Post-Imperial Stress Disorder from afflicted Core planets. With the help of the New Hope Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to providing free counseling and care to men and women affected by PISD, we’re making leaps and bounds… through hyperspace, that is. Isn’t that right, newly elected Chief of State Mon Mothma?”

“That is correct, Captain Nunb. The New Republic is proud to host this year’s Kessel 12P Fun Run. For the first time in over a decade, this historic fundraiser will do much more than simply promote the distribution of highly questionable contraband.”

“That right! The New Hope Foundation is matching every credit donated to our celebrity runners. And boy, do we have a lineup this year! Rendar, Katarn, Solo, and myself just to name a few. To sponsor a runner, just log onto our holocron address and click ‘donate’ until August 12th. This is a great opportunity to show your support of a totalitarian-free universe as well as make some off-the-books, tax deductible contributions!”

“Since smugglers are no longer running from the threat of Imperial boarding parties, the New Republic asks that you now run for a cure. For every parsec you help sponsor, thousands of lives can be touched. So please, tune your comlinks to the frequency at the bottom of your screen and donate today. Transmissions are toll-free and completely confidential.”

“So what are you running from? Call or click today and run for the cure!”

“And together, no one will be able to repel compassion of this magnitude.”

♫ I need a hero! I’m holding out for a hero ’til the end of the night…♫
Kessel Run at Tshirtbordello