♫ bluesy rock riff ♫

“Remember Jared from the original wave of undead cannibals? Well he’s been inspiring a lot of people lately.”

♫ Yeah, he’s still lookin’ good! Keepin’ flesh off his bones! ♫

Susan Emery: Lost 24 lbs since being infected.

♫ Turnin’ folks into mindless killers! Yeah, he’s really in the zone! ♫

Jason Patterson: Lost 88 lbs since being infected.

♫ Oooh, he’s got a hunger that only brains can feed! ♫

Jennifer Donnelly: Lost 39 lbs since being infected.

♫ Losin’ weight and feelin’ great! That’s all the life he needs! ♫

“Jared’s still staying active and losing weight and you can too! Just come outside after dark and witness the fitness movement that’s sweeping the nation!”

♫ Whoa, come and be a zombie! It only takes one bite! ♫

“Gray matter may be sixty percent fat. But it tastes great and helps you lose weight!”

♫ Join your undead brethren in this epidemic blight! ♫

“So come on down to the nearest quarantined urban area today and watch the pounds fall off you! Zombie: Eat Flesh!”

Zombie Eat Flesh at Tshirtbordello