Ultrabike

“Good afternoon, Mr. Geisel. Welcome to the Central Patent Bureau. I’m Mr. Smith, head of the Patent Acceptance Committee. We understand you have something rather special you’d like to present for our consideration today?”

“Indeed, yes I do, gentle fellows and ma’am. My thanks to you all for this splendid exam. I have in this room, to think over and mull, the first of its kind, the Ultra Bicycle!”

“Oh, my… Okay then. Well, that certainly looks very… interesting, Mr. Geisel.”

“Well thanks for the compliment, Smitty old boy! You can see that this is no regular toy. This bike I’ve invented will addle your brains. It’s got twelve round wheels, and twenty-four chains. It seats two bicyclists and stands fifteen feet. Imagine how grand you’d look hogging the street! It takes seven stepping stools to climb its peak. No longer shall bikers fear canine or creek. High up in a bicycle seat—what is better? Don’t crawl like a snail! Be a high bike go-getter!”

“It is very high up, there’s no doubt about that. But… Mr. Geisel, don’t you think it’s a bit… oh, what’s the word… much?”

“Too much? Not a chance! Don’t be quick to dismiss. I tell you, the public is clam’ring for this!”

“Oh, really? And what market research have you conducted to support that claim?”

“From very young ages, small boys want to soar. And girls ’round the world wish their statures were more. But don’t take my word for it—this is widespread. Just look at the tall gadgets you’ve patented. You’ve patented sandals that boost women’s heights. You’ve patented platforms for wild disco nights. You’ve patented stilts that give clowns quite a raise. My Ultra Bike will be the next lofty craze!”

“Well, we can see you’re very passionate about this, Mr. Geisel. On behalf of the committee, I extend to you and your Ultra Bicycle full rights and ownership under patent number 9758492. All we need is a few signatures, a small deposit, and, of course, a demonstration. Mr. Geisel? Is there a problem?”

“You want me to ride it? No way! What the heck! I’ll probably fall off and break my damn neck!”

Ultrabike at Uneetee