Well, it sounds like you’ve got a monochromatic infestation over there. Yeah, we’ve been seeing a lot of those lately.

The primary cause is usually UV spectrum banding, especially with older houses. I’m guessing yours was built before 1966?

Yeah, that’ll do it. We just didn’t know back then what we know today.

Well, I’m going to be straight with you, ma’am, this isn’t going to be a cheap fix—we’ll have to bring in our full rainbow hazmat team, and just getting them inside the house will be eight or nine hundred dollars alone.

Yeah, really. If the affected area is over 2,000 square feet, we actually recommend a second team, but it sounds like we won’t have to call in a double rainbow for this one. Depending on what our guys find, they may need to do a chroma re-keying, a saturation scrape, maybe even tent the place and plant a few CMYK bombs. We really can’t tell you for sure until we get in there. You could be looking at spending two thousand easy on the whole job.

I’m sorry, ma’am, that’s pretty much standard for an infestation like this. You call anybody else in town, they’ll tell you the same thing. Your homeowners insurance may have a grayscale-protection plan, but you’ll have to talk with them about that.

You’re welcome to take your time, but I gotta warn ya: Every day you wait on this, the problem is just going to get worse. A two thousand dollar problem today could be six thousand next week. I’m not trying to scare you, ma’am, that’s just the way it is with these things.

I agree, it’s better to deal with this sooner rather than later. We have an opening tomorrow, actually. Can you be at the house between eight and noon?

Alright, we’ll be there. In the meantime, keep your children, pets, and any valuable wavelengths away from the area.

Oh, and ma’am?

Have a colorful day.

Colorful Gardener at Uneetee