“Eh? What do you think?”

“Well… it’s certainly different. Did you have to rip off one of the sleeves though?”

“I needed a matching headband. I thought landlubb— I mean… I thought normal people like to wear clothes that match.”

“James, we talked about this. We don’t rip clothing on purpose any more. Okay?”

“Aye. I mean… yeah, sure. But how am I supposed to impress the interviewers if they don’t think I’m fierce or at the very least crazy?”

“Fierce and crazy people don’t get hired by Best Buy, James. Responsible and mild-mannered people do.”

“I don’t know about this.”

“Oh don’t be silly. You’ll do great tomorrow!”

“No, not that. It’s just… well, it’s everything. The haircut, the speech classes, the clothes. I don’t think I can do it any more, Shari.”

“Oh, James. When I met you, you were so caught up in being a rebel and impressing your friends. But I knew deep down you could be so much more. Do you really want to go back to that life?”

“Well, there are nights I miss it. But no, of course I don’t want to go back. When I first saw you cowering in the galley of that yacht we were shanghaiing, I knew my life had changed forever. I decided then and there that if I wanted to truly be happy, I needed to stop running away from my responsibilities and face the real world once and for all. That day, Grim Jim the Pirate died.”

“Oh, my poor James. Maybe I pushed you into this too quickly. How about we take another look at that biker gang, hmm? Would that be more gradual for you?”

“It isn’t the same. A tattoo and a devil-may-care attitude won’t make me a biker any more than it made me a pirate. It’s the great salty brine, Shari. The back roads and highways of the American southwest can’t compare to the freedom of the open sea.”

“How about you get a job at the marina? Or you could work at Sea World.”

“No, my love. The temptation be too great. I mean, the temptation would be too great. Me life… I mean my life… is with you now.”

“Aww, that’s so sweet. Tell you what, let’s get something to eat. Anything you want.”

“Ooo! Can we have pickled meat and hardtack biscuits? And can I eat an apple with a dagger and slosh rum down my beard while laughing at people fighting each other?”

“All right, calm down my silly sailor man. If you want to go to Buffalo Wild Wings, that’s fine with me.”

Arrrgyle at Uneetee